Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Provo's Stereotype = True.

And I do not fit in at all. Almost every person I know is either married, engaged, or on the lookout for a husband. Some of my friends even have kids already. I must admit, a year ago I was considering marriage as a soon-to-be possibility. And if I met and was with the right guy now, marriage would be on my mind a bit more. But honestly, this is madness!

This subject always gets me thinking. I actually am excited to get married and have a family, but don't feel the need to jump on that wagon anytime soon. Like I said: right guy, right time, no problem. I won't write too too many thoughts on this subject, because my opinions are not true for everyone, and I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like I am judging them for getting married so young. The past year for me, though, has been an eye opener for me, and I've been able to more fully come into my own. If I had married the guy I expected to a year ago, I would have been able to work through it, but in order for me to be myself I would have been sacrificing a lot. I don't think I would have felt supported in my views and decisions, and I would have felt the need to be very traditional due to his expectations. I just hope nobody tries to convince themselves that something is there that in the long-run would limit both people from being all they could be. Though I do want to say that I have so much faith in all of my friends' recent marriages and couldn't be happier for them!

As for me, here is where I am a bit stuck . . .

I don't know if I should be more focused on marriage than I am, or ok, not marriage, but relationships. I do not need a boyfriend to be happy, and while that is a good thing, I'm also so independent and hardworking that I miss opportunities in the dating world. Time spent on my music or various projects is time that other girls would be spending with their boyfriends. And while I'd make a great wife, I don't know that I'd make a great girlfriend right now. (If that makes sense.) Maybe I tend to meet the wrong guys, it seems as though they are either super straight-edge on one side of the page or the other, and I feel like I'm in the middle of the extremes with a circle around the entire book. I can see this visual in my mind and know what I'm talking about and would be able to explain it with a picture more easily. Typing out this picture in words would just waste space.

Anyway, hardly anyone in Provo and Nevada (that I've dated) seems real when it comes to dating. They seem to ask questions as if it is an "Are you future wife material?" survey that I'm filling out. No joke. And then we have our men that think their money will impress, no no no.. biggest turn off. I like to learn about a guy by spending time with him and seeing how he handles real life situations. If I am with a guy, I care about him, and am focused on how I feel when I am with him. And more than anything, I would want it to feel real.

I am perfectly fine keeping my focus on music and school, but don't want to miss opportunities with men because of my passion. Yet I don't want to miss opportunities in music because of a man. I won't just get in a relationship to be in one, that's the lamest thing to me. So when I am in a relationship, the guy means a whole lot to me, and at this age--could lead to marriage. (I promise I won't rush into it, whatever the situation.)

Should I be more focused on meeting guys? Keep all my focus on music and education? Or just keep things how they are and see who I happen to meet along the way? I know I'm young and don't need to worry about it, but suggestions are still helpful.


Johanna Lynn Hoover said...

I'm totally agree!

Kako said...

My advice: keep things as they are and see what happens. It's amazing that what's suppose to happen has a way of actually happening. We don't usually have to "hunt" for it. So enjoy life, figure out what you want out of it and, voila, you'll get it.
(Coming from someone who married really young but was not seeking it).